Caring for Your Introvert

I came across this and had to share it. So freaking true.

Seeing with New Eyes

Ever had an epiphany, a thought, or even something more mundane, like a random comment someone makes, that changes the way you see the time ahead of you? I had a couple experiences like that recently.

The first was when I talked on the phone to my old boss, who said he'd like to have me back again. At that point I'd spent about four months unemployed and looking for a job. I'd been hoping to get my old job back, but hope stretches pretty thin over weeks and weeks, especially when the end is not in sight. Before this conversation with my boss, the week ahead of me loomed onward, empty of much to do or to look forward to; one more length of a span so long that traversing another week of it could scarcely be called progress. But suddenly, after talking to my boss and setting a start date for the very next Monday, this same week transformed into a precious last few days of freedom. The same morning sleep-ins and unscheduled hours that I had considered with weary resignation suddenly became beautiful things, and suddenly I was anxious that this valuable free time should not be wasted. In the last week before I started back at work, I made myself busier than I had been for several weeks previously. So yeah, I probably should re-evaluate my motivational paradigm, but more than that I was struck by how differently I perceived that last week, and by how quickly—in just a few seconds—that perception changed.

The second one happened the other week. There's this guy I'm rather fond of, and as I'm sure most girls do, I've imagined how fun it would be to spend time with him and be his girl, and of course, how glorious our wedding would be. Well, the other week he said or did something that suggested that maybe he was interested as well. That was a little bit of a shock to my system; I'm extremely accustomed to unrequited interest. Anyway, amidst the myriad thoughts that filled my mind as I considered the implications of this potentially mutual interest, another transformation took place. I've spent . . . mmmm . . . a fair portion of time and paper expressing my frustrations about singleness, and like I did at the beginning of that last week of unemployment, sometimes I've looked ahead and seen gray, lonely, empty years stretching forward for me, and I've sighed resignedly at the prospect of living them. But if someone that I liked could like me back, then it was possible that someone I loved could love me back, and that I could actually find true love and marriage in my future. Imminent future, even. At the thought, suddenly that same time ahead of me that I despaired to look at was something precious. The last of my time as a single girl, with no one else's needs, careers, or family tangled up in mine. A precious time to make friendships, to spend time with my family, and to make decisions based on what I'd like to do. I wondered what I'd be thinking if I was engaged. What would I do differently if I knew I'd only be single for a little while longer? It was pretty interesting to consider, and more importantly, it was a lot more enjoyable to go through my days with this perspective.

So I was just struck at how much a change in perspective changed the way I felt and behaved. And both times, the change was positive. Without any change to the week of unemployment itself or to the weeks/months/years of singleness to come, I felt better about them. If the way I look at something affects whether I love it or hate it, I wonder why I would ever choose to look at it to hate it. Why make that choice? If perspective is unavoidable, and I believe that most of the time it is, wouldn't it be nicer to choose the perspective that makes me happy, even if it's harder to find than the other ones?

Just a thought. What do you think? Ever had similar experiences?

Postscript: Birthdays

Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes last week. It was a good day and it was good to feel loved.

Since writing the last article, I've paid more attention to the effort, if any, others around me put into subtly hinting that their birthday is coming up soon. This is why it's been slightly irritating but really amusing at the same time to read the statuses of a few Facebook friends who are posting daily birthday countdowns. "ONLY 11 MORE DAYS LOL I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I'M SUCH AN OLD WOMEN!" Today one soon-to-be-birthday-girl wrote about how irritated she is that her friends are spoiling her birthday weekend by not wanting to hang out with her.

The fun thing about scruples is that they give you grounds to make fun of those without them. Bwah ha ha! The less fun thing about scruples is that you're too polite to share your disdain.

The fun thing about blogs is they're above scruples. Right?

The Birthday Conundrum

You're older than you've ever been and now you're even older
and now you're even older
and now you're even older
You're older than you've ever been and now you're even older
and now you're older still.

They Might Be Giants, "Older"

So . . . my birthday's coming up, and that means the yearly birthday conundrum has descended. After nearly a quarter-century of practice, I'm still not sure how to walk the line between humble nonchalance and HEY MY BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP PRESENTS PLZ!!

Not that it's presents that I really want, necessarily. I just want some extra attention. Maybe some people are okay with admitting their birthday passed two weeks ago, it's no biggie if you missed it; I might say that, trying to be brave, but I might burst into tears if you don't take the bait and say, "No, no! It is a biggie! Happy birthday, you're amazing!"

Would that be terribly shallow of me? In light of my endeavors to avoid shallowness the rest of the year, I submit that no, it would not. Still, I realize that reminding all my acquaintances every day for three weeks before my birthday is not the best way to ensure I get a gush of goodwill. So I employ more stealthy strategies. I ask other people when their birthdays are, so I can tell them mine when they politely ask back. If I need to reschedule an appointment or talk about an activity conflicting with possible birthday activities, I say, "Oh, gee, I can't. It's my birthday and I'll be busy that night," or "Huh, that's happening the same day as my birthday. What a coincidence!" Stuff like that.

I feel like I also have to be extra careful because I have a March birthday; it turns out that being born in March is almost as popular as Sarah is for a name. In my current social sphere, it seems like it's been someone's birthday every other day. I try to make sure I give birthday cheer liberally (otherwise I couldn't expect it in return), but I realize that after the dozenth cake-and-candle ceremony, it starts to get old. So I try to keep expectations tamped down, but I still worry about how everything will go.

This year I had an awesome idea. Why don't I write a desperation-cleverly-disguised-as-arrogance-expressed-with-a-self-deprecating-wink-type entry about it on the blog? Think that'll work?