Ever had an epiphany, a thought, or even something more mundane, like a random comment someone makes, that changes the way you see the time ahead of you? I had a couple experiences like that recently.
The first was when I talked on the phone to my old boss, who said he'd like to have me back again. At that point I'd spent about four months unemployed and looking for a job. I'd been hoping to get my old job back, but hope stretches pretty thin over weeks and weeks, especially when the end is not in sight. Before this conversation with my boss, the week ahead of me loomed onward, empty of much to do or to look forward to; one more length of a span so long that traversing another week of it could scarcely be called progress. But suddenly, after talking to my boss and setting a start date for the very next Monday, this same week transformed into a precious last few days of freedom. The same morning sleep-ins and unscheduled hours that I had considered with weary resignation suddenly became beautiful things, and suddenly I was anxious that this valuable free time should not be wasted. In the last week before I started back at work, I made myself busier than I had been for several weeks previously. So yeah, I probably should re-evaluate my motivational paradigm, but more than that I was struck by how differently I perceived that last week, and by how quickly—in just a few seconds—that perception changed.
The second one happened the other week. There's this guy I'm rather fond of, and as I'm sure most girls do, I've imagined how fun it would be to spend time with him and be his girl, and of course, how glorious our wedding would be. Well, the other week he said or did something that suggested that maybe he was interested as well. That was a little bit of a shock to my system; I'm extremely accustomed to unrequited interest. Anyway, amidst the myriad thoughts that filled my mind as I considered the implications of this potentially mutual interest, another transformation took place. I've spent . . . mmmm . . . a fair portion of time and paper expressing my frustrations about singleness, and like I did at the beginning of that last week of unemployment, sometimes I've looked ahead and seen gray, lonely, empty years stretching forward for me, and I've sighed resignedly at the prospect of living them. But if someone that I liked could like me back, then it was possible that someone I loved could love me back, and that I could actually find true love and marriage in my future. Imminent future, even. At the thought, suddenly that same time ahead of me that I despaired to look at was something precious. The last of my time as a single girl, with no one else's needs, careers, or family tangled up in mine. A precious time to make friendships, to spend time with my family, and to make decisions based on what I'd like to do. I wondered what I'd be thinking if I was engaged. What would I do differently if I knew I'd only be single for a little while longer? It was pretty interesting to consider, and more importantly, it was a lot more enjoyable to go through my days with this perspective.
So I was just struck at how much a change in perspective changed the way I felt and behaved. And both times, the change was positive. Without any change to the week of unemployment itself or to the weeks/months/years of singleness to come, I felt better about them. If the way I look at something affects whether I love it or hate it, I wonder why I would ever choose to look at it to hate it. Why make that choice? If perspective is unavoidable, and I believe that most of the time it is, wouldn't it be nicer to choose the perspective that makes me happy, even if it's harder to find than the other ones?
Just a thought. What do you think? Ever had similar experiences?
4 comments:
I'm so happy that things are coming together. I think I had a similar experiences when finishing up at BYU. I was so excited to get out of there, but then when the day came, it was quite a shock. Also, I felt like I couldn't stand teaching until my last day came and I realize how much fulfillment I got from it. But that's why I'm thankful that we have different chapters and seasons in our lives. I think change keep0s us going. Getting to have as much free time as we want can be relaxing, but there is nothing better than staying busy with a job. Getting to just focus on one's self and family is sometimes easier, but there is nothing more beautiful than a companion and an even bigger family. Keep us posted on this "imminent future." ;)
Choosing a perspective is on the Top Ten List of Things That Are Easier Said Than Done.
It goes along with the grass-is-greener feeling. This also happens when you're faced with a tough decision concerning your future. The advantages of both options present themselves to you as shiny products on a shelf; they are things that you do not have, but want. When you finally make the decision, suddenly the advantages of the choice you made are written off as things you already have, and the advantages of the other option become forbidden pleasures that you have tragically lost.
I suppose it's natural, but I wish I didn't have this type of gigantic dilemma every time I find myself in a crisis brought about by the haunting question: "What movie should we watch?"
I think the only real moments I had where I wished I had more time to be in the previous state of being were graduating from high school and leaving Cedar City and SUU. Places and social situations, but not necessarily states of mind. I found myself cherishing moments, revisiting spots I loved. And letting myself cry small tears over beloved places.
And it worked--I no longer have the want to return to high school or to live in Cedar City. It's funny that I cherished the places and the memories associated with them, but not the state of mind I had while being there. I stayed in Cedar City during that summer we were engaged because I wanted to say goodbye to the place, not because I relished single life.
But besides my opinions on the subject, I love the picture you begin this post with. I realize how pictures really boost a blog or a blog post, but I don't really like pictures of me and don't like the effort it takes to find something relevant to whatever I'm writing about. Any tips for a fellow writer?
Steph: No jumping to conclusions, now. :) I'll definitely keep you posted if anything serious comes along.
Ryan: Yes. The "what to watch" question. I know I've spent more time choosing the movie than actually watching it at least once.
Kate: Thanks! I'm not always the best with pictures either, but I got myself a nice camera and feel guilty if I go a long time without using it. This particular picture was planned for the post, but that's not always the case. When I'm in a camera mood, I take a whole bunch of pictures, and then (days, weeks, months) later when I'm writing a post, I can look through the pictures to see if anything fits.
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