THE TRUTH LIVES!
I tend to think that the truth should be told more often. Things like, people should know if they're dating a jerk; people who lie to you or to themselves should be told to cut it out; people should hear that their inconsiderate, rude behavior is unacceptable; and people should be warned if they're about to make the stupidest decisions of their lives. What stops me? Lots of things:
- I might say it rudely. Usually when I most want to point out truth, I'm feeling very frustrated by the apparent blindness of the person involved. Would it be right to share it, even if I might be angry?
- I might not have the place to tell someone the truth. Either because it would be hypocritical of me or because I'm not really involved as a parent or other authority-type figure. But truth is truth, no matter what the source, right?
- I might not be right. Maybe what I think is true in the situation is not quite true—doesn't take into consideration facts that I'm not aware of or is biased by my own experience. Bias is inevitable, though, and all human perception is limited. Surely that doesn't invalidate all insight.
- They might not be able to handle the truth. Sometimes I get the feeling that a person is not ready to face up to it, like this is just something they'll have to learn sometime later down the road. Then I start worrying about whether there's actually going to be someone standing there, ready to share this truth, once the person is finally ready to hear it. What if nobody's there?
- They are not listening and wouldn't hear truth even if I said it. Yes, there are plenty of folks like this. Sometimes, though, words have a way of weaseling their way into the stubbornest of minds. Case in point, I still remember several things my Mom taught me when I was feeling my moodiest and most rebellious. I scowled at the time, but the words stuck. I thought about them for a long time and had to conclude, if sometimes begrudgingly, that they were true. Who knows what will stick and what won't? Should I deny someone the opportunity to learn and grow?
- The time and place might not be appropriate. It wouldn't be right to embarrass someone—but then again, what if they've just been very rude? What if they're embarrassing themselves already? Wouldn't it be a form of true friendship to point out truth?
This has been my quandary off and on for several months. It's not like I think I'm the receptacle of all truth or anything; I just think that we all see times when we could speak up and point out things, especially things that are patently obvious to the sensible and considerate but to which other people seem to be becoming increasingly blind. When do you speak up? When do you hold your tongue? Obviously it's best to be as loving and good-intentioned as possible, but sometimes truth has to be served without butter or honey. Sometimes truth hurts. How do you decide when to dish it out?
4 comments:
Thoughts on the bullets:
1) Truth said in anger does nothing but rally those who agree with you, and is usually not likely to be true in the first place. The same goes for truth said in a worked up, spiritually passionate fit.
2) Truth is truth, but that doesn't usually matter to human beings. We can't objectively analyze everything that other people say, so we use shortcuts to quickly determine whether or not to care. The listener has his or her own "care" function, and I guess the teller has to estimate what that is. If you lack the proper credentials, the likelihood of you actually being right goes down, so you have to be careful because it might be a case of (3).
3) There's a balance between careful and confident. ALWAYS be open to the possibility that you are wrong and have always been wrong. If you are having an argument with someone, carefully determine whether they've got you on some point. On the other hand, your argument may have less persuasive (or inciting) power if you sprinkle it with "in my opinion" or "I tend to think that" (wink). If you leave those things off, it confronts the reader more directly and they feel more compelled to make a decision about whether or not they agree, which is awesome. The "strong opinions, weakly held" philosophy is a good one that combines power and flexibility.
4) This is the realm of "dark" secrets. Sometimes people really can't handle it. It's more interesting to think of it in reverse. What kinds of secrets are being kept from you because others think you can't handle it? What kind of truth would you not be able to handle? Think about that.
5) This can be an easy excuse (guilty here) to avoid trying new and different ways to teach. You have to look for new ways to package up the truth for maximum penetration.
6) Heck, if they're being rude, let 'em have it (as long as you don't get yourself fired or something).
1) That's true; in a debate, whenever one side starts getting really passionate and not letting the other side talk, I start pulling way back and wondering what's wrong here. But what if your spouse just did something that really made you angry/hurt (ok, maybe that's hard for you to imagine--work with me, here). Would you wait until you felt all better about it to bring it up again or discuss it right away, even though you're still angry about it?
4) I think you may be ready for this now. The police are your mother and father.
6) According to Sis. Candelaria, this is a good reason to speak a second language. You can chastise your children in front of their friends without embarrassing them.
I was also thinking of situations when pointing out the truth just isn't that helpful. Such as at the bottom of a pit with no hope of being able to climb out. No need for Captain Obvious there. So other things, like the helpfulness of the remark and whether it was kindly meant, should probably influence the decision to share truth.
I don't know, but I do know that I have always admired you for speaking what you believe to be the truth and for calling me on things that you think I'm being stupid or bull-headed about. I hope you keep doing that to me; I trust your point of view and I consider your opinions.
There was a time when I told nothing but the truth. Those were my favorite years, perhaps. Later on, I found myself lying because everyone else lied to me. Now, I'm at a loss. Where can I get the answer to the question: do I need to tell the truth always? I asked the guys from http://essayhelp24.com/. I do like to ask them )) They told that I should use such a thing as moderation. But how?
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