I think one of the most important parenting skills I've learned recently is how to ignore a child. I'm not talking about ignoring children's needs or abandoning them; I mean ignoring them in much smaller ways. It's the only way to stay sane, really. Here's an example involving my four-year-old sister:
(Mom, Savy, and I are sitting at the table, having lunch. Mom is reading a magazine as she eats. I'm staring into space. Savy, being quiet for a few seconds, is staring at me, munching away. Suddenly, struck by a question that has long haunted mankind, Savy opens her mouth.)
Savy: What if chips burn?
(Mom continues reading her magazine.)
Savy: What if chips burn?
(I'm not reading anything, but I'm quiet. This is Savannah's 5,395,392,388th what-if question of the year. Sometimes if you answer, she just comes up with another one.)
Savy: What if chips burn?
(I look at Mom to see if she will respond. Savannah, undeterred and not in the least offended by our unresponsiveness, continues.)
Savy: What if chips burn? (Waits for an answer.) What if chips burn?
Mom: (looks up from her magazine) Mmmm. Then I guess they'd be burned. (Looks back down at magazine.)
(Savy, perfectly satisfied, resumes eating.)
Repeat that about three billion times, except that at dinner she's more talkative and gets offended when there's not total silence for her comments or when she gets interrupted, and you know what mealtime is like with a little kid. That's just one. Witnessing this, I can't help but think back to those years when we older ones were all little, so Mom got to sit at the head of a table filled with kids spouting weird questions and conversational drivel. I imagine that sometimes she wondered to herself what it would be like to speak to another adult at the table. (Dad read books.) If she hadn't ignored us for her own thoughts at least some of the time, she would probably be a raving lunatic. Kids are great, no mistake; they're just, as Cosby would say, brain damaged. Good thing it gets better and better through the years.
Thanks, Mom, for ignoring us when we needed it.
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3 comments:
My personal favorite solution to answering the, shall we say, odd, questions of children is to give awesomely extreme answers. Like this:
Savy: "What if chips burn?"
Me (very factual sounding): "The world would explode!"
Of course, that does tend to leave impressionable children very confused. . .but at least I have fun.
Hahaha, I've been tempted to do the same thing. :) She's getting old enough, though, that she can think of counter-arguments . . .
One of the amazing and admirable qualities of little children are their lack of guile. Savy did not feel offended about being "ignored" by mother because she knew mother loved her unconditionally. She imputed no ill will to mother or the situation and so was able to patiently persist in her query until an answer from the "all-knowing" mother came. (Of course, mother's status will change in a few short years.) She trusted the answer and went on with her happy life.
Is it any wonder that Jesus told us that except we become as a little child, we cannot enter into his kingdom? When we ask for blessings or answers from our Father, do we get impatient and wonder why He is "ignoring" us? Do we accept his unconditional love and trust him as a little child trusts a parent?
I treasure all the sweet lessons Savy teaches me.
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