Spinning

When she goes, she's gone
If she stays, she stays here
Girl knows what she wants to do
She knows what she wants to do . . .

Simon and Garfunkel, "Fakin It"

Do you ever feel like you're standing in the middle of a freeway? Maybe standing on the barely-there cement median, smack between four busy lanes of traffic? And you stand there, ready to spring forward or back, trying to catch the eyes of the drivers whizzing by carelessly in their machines, looking for a break so you can cross. After awhile it gets really frustrating. You wonder why they can't see you standing there, waving your arms. "Could you just slow down a sec? Hey! Hello! Just stop, it'll just take a minute, then I'll be on my way and you all can drive off to wherever you're so anxious to go. Hey! Could you FREAKING LET ME CROSS ALREADY?"

Well, that's been the past week for me. Life is whizzing by, dragging doppler smears through my days. I'm less than two weeks from moving out, driving home, and then flying to England, and it's terrifying. I have a job to quit, with all its trainings and last-minute projects and goodbye rituals; an apartment to move out of, reminding me once again how much I hate moving; old friends to say frantic goodbyes to; and on top of all that I get to see the new coming in, impatient to replace the old.

That last part is embodied in the new roommate that moved in late last week. I'm trying to decide whether it's worth the effort to get to know her, since I don't expect to be home much while she is, but I'm leaning against it. She's been zealously industrious at reorganizing the entire apartment, shaking her head but patiently holding her tongue as she quickly erases the evidence of my and my roommates' obvious organizational stupidity. Mixing bowls in the kitchen? How foolish! Let's stuff them in the pantry down the hall! So much better!

When you're hesitating in the middle of a freeway, it really doesn't help to have someone standing right behind you, claiming the median for their own and all but shoving you headlong into traffic.

So I'm overwhelmed. I sit at home in all my half-packed junk, and suddenly all I can do is play Freecell or sprawl on the couch watching the Olympics. I go to work and sit in my chair, memos and to-do lists spread over the surface of my desk, and all I can do is stare blankly at my computer screen. Where do I begin? How can I possibly get all this done before I leave? Could everything just STOP, just HOLD STILL FOR A FEW FREAKING MINUTES WHILE I FIGURE THIS OUT?