Coat Backwards

J. H. is a coworker of mine who occasionally shuffles by my cubicle on the way to the printer. It's springtime - springtime, for heaven's sake - and I'm sitting at my desk with one coat draped across my lap and another backwards up on my arms. Instead of commenting on the day, life in general, or my apparent need for two coats, J.H., ever the deliberate, insightful lawyer, observes the backwardness of my coat and chooses to take a stab at humor.

"So is this the latest fashion for young folks?" he says, a patronizing smile spreading across his face, just like the first time he used this joke several months ago.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have in the past, and still do, wear coats and jackets backwards. Many of you have personally witnessed this, and most of you have either quietly accepted this eccentricity, if you saw it as such, or understood the obvious logic behind it and occasionally adopted the technique yourself. I have met with a few distinct individuals, however, who can't grasp the method behind the madness and take pleasure in repeated ribbings. Tease me once, yeah, you're hilarious; tease me twice, okay, I got it; tease me every time you see me with a jacket/coat on backwards, what's the matter with you??

So, for their sakes, the sake of anyone else who has just wondered, and for my sanity's sake, this is why I do it:

1) Coats are bulky and annoying to deal with in general. If I just slip my coat backwards over my arms, I can shuck it off at the first opportunity. This reason applies particularly at work. I only want to use my coat at the desk; I don’t want to carry it around all day.

2) A coat takes a long time to put on. If I only need it for a little while, moving from one warm place to another, why would I want to go through all the fuss of putting the coat on completely (in one arm, in other arm, adjust collar, adjust shirt underneath, pull tight around, button/zip up) just to take it off in a couple minutes?

3) It’s really annoying to wear a backpack over a coat. So while I was going to school, I avoided that whenever possible. Putting on the backpack over the coat (depending on the size/thickness of the coat) takes twice as long as putting on the coat itself. You’ve got to get the sleeves through the straps, pull the hood over the top, then make sure the backpack is sitting correctly on the coat, not riding anything up anywhere. It’s harder to feel if it’s on wrong, but you look goofy if it is. Waste of time between classes!

4) Taking off or putting on a coat or jacket is socially obnoxious unless you’re by a door, leaving or coming in. What if I'm cold but not about to leave - a distinct possibility in this world of overenthusiastic air conditioners? And then, if I'm sitting in a seat with a bunch of other people and want to take the thing off, I’ve got to squirm and stretch and generally look ridiculous to avoid jabbing my neighbors with my elbows.

5) Sometimes full-coat coverage is too dang hot. Usually I wear my coat or jacket backwards when my back is already covered by a backpack or the back a chair. (I win a prize for using "back" the most times in a sentence!) That coverage makes coat removal and application more bothersome, as previously stated, but it also means that my back isn't cold, just my arms and front. If I put the coat on the "right" way, I'd be too warm. Duh.

So, you see, it's perfectly logical, just like my cereal-eating technique of milk first, cereal sprinkled on top. End of rant.