On Being Fun

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Rebecca Black, "Friday"

If you'll bear with me a minute, I've got a wee axe to grind.

I seem to have met a lot of guys who list "fun" as one of the top, if not the top, characteristic they're looking for in a girl. Although I have never managed to extract a definition of "fun" from any of these guys (who probably believe no further definition is needed), observation leads me to believe that "fun" used in this context has many possible meanings, including:

• Good at sports.

• Good looking.

• A comedian.

• Willing to make this dating thing really easy for me. ("Hungry? Have some food! Bored on a Saturday night? Come to my game/movie night! Lonely? Let's make out!")

• Giggles at everything I say.

• Instantly comfortable and congenial during a date, no matter what else is going on in her life, how well/poorly the date was planned, or how she actually feels about me. Especially on the first date.

• Shares my interests.

• A constant source for ideas of new, different, and interesting things we could do.

• Makes a connection with me immediately.

• Has accomplished things in her life that are impressive/adventurous/exciting/whatever I think is cool.

• All of the above, all the time.

Sometimes when I'm out on a date, I can tell I'm getting the Fun Scan, and I immediately freeze up. Am I fun? Have I done cool things with my life? Is my conversation as scintillating as expected? Am I giggling enough?? Ironically, nothing stanches my sense of humor as quickly as the pressure of being "fun," and then the entire date drowns in my swiftly rising boringness. And I never hear from the guy again.

So, my advice to the gents is twofold:

First, figure out what "fun" specifically means to you. Maybe you've outgrown one or two of its connotations and can finally discard them from your dating criteria. Maybe you'll find some good insight into why you date who you do, whether you feel successful at dating or not.

Second, don't expect full-blown "fun" on a first date. And if you get it anyway, hold off and see what she's like on the second date (at least) before you cement her likeness in your romantic psyche, because you definitely haven't seen her completely.

That's all. Thanks for reading.