Waiting

I don't know how much of my life I spend waiting for things, but it's probably a shockingly significant amount. I've been waiting for this move to finally be over, to finally be settled in my new place, waiting for movement in a relationship, waiting for a bit of free time to dote on my unearthed dollhouse. And I've been waiting for this stuff to happen so I could write about it.

Well, let's put an end to waiting, shall we?

Yes, I found an apartment here in my hometown, not too far from the family home, and right now about 98% of my stuff resides therein. The rest of it is scattered here and there around the old house, for me to retrieve during future visits. It's proving hard to totally leave this place, mostly because I don't really want to. It turns out I love being close to home. I'm loving it more now that I have my own space to retreat to. I love that I don't have to say long goodbyes to my family anymore; I love knowing I can drop by and see them whenever I've a mind to. I wonder why on earth I put it off as long as I did. Why did I linger so long in Utah? What was I waiting for?

Oddly enough, it was when I went back to Utah on vacation last week that I realized just how settled I've become in New Mexico. I realized that I finally do have my own niche here, which is something I'd hoped for. Thus it was that almost as soon as I got to Utah I wanted nothing more than to go back home and live this wonderful life I've found here. I took pleasure from visits with family and friends, but part of me was just waiting to go home again.

Of course, reality tends to intrude at rose-colored-glasses moments like this. I came home and rediscovered that yes, it's a great life, but there are a few unsettled bits at the moment. To love life, I have to appreciate that there are ups and downs to it. The biggest down right now involves waiting. And waiting. Waiting for someone to decide what he wants and make it a priority, or for my feelings to ebb away and follow a new direction. I'm more patient than I used to be, but I still don't like how helpless I feel waiting for something that's out of my hands.

Why wait? Today I'm going to do. I'm going to smile, get some boxes unpacked, and enjoy dinner with my family. I might have to wait on other things, but I don't have to wait to enjoy life.