Happy New Year, I think

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne

Robert Burns, "Auld Lang Syne"

Happy New Year, everybody! I hope your Christmases all happened beautifully and you got plenty of time to relax and welcome in the new year. The holidays at my house were crowded, chaotic, and wonderful as usual (yes, even with the desolate hole left by the absence of minest elder brother and his fam).

I always get to pondering conclusively at holidays and ends of things. Holidays are times for memories; they're like measuring sticks to my life as I think about where I was and what I was up to at this holiday in years past. However, I think sometimes it's just better to abstain from thinking about things. Examples:

1) I've been a little bit irritated with some people at certain times during all this Christmas hullaballoo. The thing with being irritable around Christmas, though, is that I always feel particularly guilty about it. But I noticed something one day when I was grumpy, and that is that I was sitting there fixing all my thoughts on how annoying people were. The more I thought about it, the more annoying they became. I realized that the feelings that were making me miserable were not generated by the people around me, but by the thoughts in my own head. I was making me miserable. Why would I want to do that? Feeling better meant abstaining from blaming, annoyed thoughts.

2) The other day I played a charades-type game (which ended up being a rather interesting gender commentary, but I'll save that for another day maybe). One thing that struck me was how reluctant some people were to get up and act things out. Some of the girls I was sitting with were embarrassed. Because I wanted to fit in, I pretended to be shy and embarrassed for a little while too. But then I thought, "What on earth is there to be embarrassed about? In this kind of game, the people who lose their inhibitions and make gigantic fools of themselves are the coolest." That's what acting's all about, really. Once I realized that, I stopped thinking too much and acted out "underwater basket weaving" with flair. Someone guessed it in just a few seconds.

3) I've been doing a lot of thinking about my story over the holidays, but not a lot of actual writing on it. It wasn't even the good kind of thinking, which usually happens as I'm writing, staring at the paper or my computer screen, visualizing the next part of the scene; it's the "oh, I'm bored, so I'll sit here and think of my favorite part of the story that's coming up" kind of thinking. Then I just play one part of the story in my head a couple times. But because I'm not actually writing it down, I'm not focusing on it enough to make alterations and improvements, so I just get bored of it and then I have to redo it when I write it out anyway. Does this make sense to anyone not living in my head? Maybe not. But the key is, less bored thinking, more writing!

Okay, so it's not so much that one shouldn't think, but that one should avoid thinking too much, thinking about negative things, and thinking instead of doing. I should do a better job managing my thoughts.

I guess I have one new year's resolution now . . .

Note about the photo: No alcoholic beverages were consumed for the taking of this pic. It's Cherry 7-Up. Just in case you were worried.

I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas

If you look you will see
that this world is beautiful,
accident, turbulent, succulent,
opulent, permanent, no way;
I wanna taste it,
Don't wanna waste it away . . .

Avril Lavigne, "Anything But Ordinary"

I think that one of the words that comes to my mind to describe the Christmas season at home is "crowded." Siblings gather at the family home, so the bathrooms, the bedrooms, and the table is crowded, and at the end of meals the countertop is crowded with dishes. The walls, the banister, and every available flat surface is crowded with decorations, beloved things we pull out every year. The Christmas tree is crowded with an eclectic assortment of ornaments, from angels made of dried pasta, to school pictures in laminated construction paper, to ornate metal and glass ornaments commemorating trips to Mount Vernon or Baby's First Christmas. The kitchen is full of marshmallows, chocolate chips, and all kinds of Christmas goodies in various stages of production. And soon, we hope, we'll wake up one morning to find the space under the tree crowded with presents.

I grew up in this large family, so by and large I'm used to crowded. Mostly, I love it. I love all the pomp and the music and the decorations, and I love my family. However, as I've gotten older I've discovered what Hollywood has already milked non-stop for their holiday releases: a little contention in a crowded house breeds a lot of discontent. I notice it because I'm used to being on my own much of the year; I'm used to things going my own way and catering only to myself. It's hard to adjust to the expanded mindset of a family household again.

But, you know, it's not THAT hard. Isn't this the season, after all, for being a little more generous, a little more forgiving? For making a little room in the inn, say?

This is what I remind myself when my four-year-old sister crawls on top of me and shoves an inane, too-bright-colored kids book over my laptop. Sigh.

It's the Holiday Season

November came and went like a rug pulled out from under my feet. I'm finding myself in a strange world of being on holiday when everyone else is busy. Having my stuff all packed in boxes stowed in closets throughout the house strengthens that feeling, like I'm a guest instead of a resident, so I forget that this isn't just a vacation, it's supposed to be the start of a new life in a new place. I'm supposed to be Ms. Grown Up Responsible still. That includes getting things done like registering my car, paying bills, finishing up Christmas shopping, and most importantly, keeping in contact with friends new and old.

I confess I'm worst at the keeping-in-touch part. I made a lovely set of friends in England, and I have good friends left behind in Provo, and I'm anxious to keep them, but being so far from them makes it harder to keep tabs. Especially since another tendency of mine in holiday mode is to wholly ditch the cell phone and spend less time at the computer, temporarily exchanging my single social life for family life. I haven't really ever had to mingle those before.

On top of that, I got my annual Thanksgiving tonsillitis/cold. I'm supposed to be responsible and get a job in holiday mode AND with a cold? Someone save me.

Gay Marriage

But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:
And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know [sexual euphemism] them.

Genesis 19:4-5

Homosexuals demanding complete acceptance of their lifestyle. Far-fetched? Not really.

I have tried to write this article about a dozen times. I went for emotional, religious zeal, but then lost the desire to completely bare my soul online, where I might swiftly find it torn to bits. I went for more scientific, trying to explain my thoughts in terms acceptable to the Other Side. But that's where the problem is, in terms. Perspective. Culture. Moral basis.

After awhile the article just became long and unfinished, clogged by my frustration that I can't fully say what I feel and that the people who I would intend it for would never see it or, seeing it, never try to understand my vantage point.

Okay, so clearly people are going to be divided in their values and priorities. We've got left and right, democrat and republican, liberal and conservative, and many other labels for what amounts to the same thing. But why must there always be enmity between the two? I think that there are good things about each side, and that a good balance is what's needed instead of one or the other.

Those who opposed Prop 8 in California see individuals as the basic unit of society. Rational, free-thinking individuals who live and work together by contract and have rights in exchange. They see marriage as a right, and denial of that right as discrimination.

Those who supported Prop 8 see families as the basic unit of society, groups of individuals interdependent on each other, with specific and equally important roles to fill. They value the authority of experience and time-honored tradition. They see marriage as a sacred institution that continues the pattern of families, and the marriage of homosexual couples as antithesis to its fundamental purpose.

They both have some good points and seemingly good intentions, but even when I put my religious beliefs aside temporarily to wear a liberal's equality goggles I can see that only one side, the liberal, opposing side, has been represented at all/favorably in news media surrounding this issue, even in the coverage of the riotous, anti-religious backlash following the election.

I can admit that we have learned a lot of important things from the left. It is important for individuals to feel loved and valued, no matter what their background or station is in life, and it's important that individuals are treated with respect. However, the problem with swinging too far into individualism is that it quickly breeds selfishness, a sense of entitlement (which turns every desire into a "right"), and a disregard for everything not resembling the self. This selfishness naturally upsets the balance of American ideology. Our best universities hire liberal professors who teach their students to question everything, with no qualms at completely disregarding history, traditions, and "old-fashioned" notions of authority and virtue. As a result, conservative thinkers are not allowed in the echelons of today's academic elite; they are considered backwards by self-indulged individuals who hypocritically never question the authority of their own ideas.

This is when the war of ideas becomes less of a quest for truth and more of a quest to be the smartest and free-thinkingest. Liberality must accept every bent of humanity, therefore there can be no right and wrong. Individuals don't know everything, therefore there must be no truth in the world.

I think it's telling that marriage is the latest battleground of this ongoing dispute. It's funny to me that gay people, so anxious to change the tradition of love and family, are fighting so hard to have traditional marriage. But it suits the liberal agenda: marriage is a symbol. Symbols are important to conservatives, and thus become important for liberals to tear down and make their own to achieve what they call equality and I call ideological dictatorship. Seems to me that liberals cherish diversity, unless it's diversity of opinion.

I believe that there are things far more important than a human life. More important than thousands, even millions of human lives. There is truth, and it doesn't matter if hundreds of millions of whining voices say they can't see it so it doesn't exist. There will always be people like me, my family, and other people of faith, quietly raising our families the way God told us to, believing in things greater than ourselves, and, when needed, stepping forward to shape a government we can respect. This month, that amounted to a YES in California and similar wins in other states.

The gay community sees the passage of Prop 8 as a personal offense, because to people obsessed with the individual, everything is about the individual. Let me say, it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with bringing some restraint and balance back to American society.